Intimacy is often misunderstood, reduced to just physical or sexual closeness. But true intimacy goes far beyond that. It’s about emotional safety, vulnerability, and being seen and known by another person—without the need to perform or protect ourselves.
In my work as a therapist, I’ve seen how many individuals and couples struggle with intimacy, not because they don’t care about each other, but because they’ve never been taught how to build it. We live in a culture that praises independence and productivity but often overlooks the deep human need for connection.
So what does intimacy really look like? It looks like honest conversations. Being able to say, “I’m scared,” or “I need more from you,” without fearing abandonment or ridicule. It looks like presence. Turning toward your partner when they’re reaching out, even if it’s in small, subtle ways. It looks like repair. Coming back together after conflict, not perfectly—but intentionally.
Many of us carry intimacy wounds from childhood or past relationships that tell us it’s not safe to trust, to ask for more, or to let someone all the way in. These wounds can show up as avoidance, perfectionism, over-functioning, or shutting down emotionally.
If you’re looking to build more intimacy in your life, start small. Practice asking open-ended questions that invite more than a yes or no. Make eye contact when you’re sharing something vulnerable. Set aside time for check-ins that aren’t just about logistics, but about how you’re both feeling. Express appreciation regularly—and mean it. And most importantly, be willing to listen without rushing to fix.
Therapy can be a powerful space to explore these patterns, understand where they came from, and learn new ways of relating. Whether you’re single, in a relationship, or somewhere in between, working on intimacy starts with the relationship you have with yourself.
You deserve relationships that feel safe, nourishing, and true. Let’s keep talking about what it means to be deeply connected—to ourselves and each other.
